the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
