Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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