dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize