JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
