there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
They have beer where we have blood.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
