i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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