hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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