Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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