I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize