She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
