I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
