It was confusing and full of hummus
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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