I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
