She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
