I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
