he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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