heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
