Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
