I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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