i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
