You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
