Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
