i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
