my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
