my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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