Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
