He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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