cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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