What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
