I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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