he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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