I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
