Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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