that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
