i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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