dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
