so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
