i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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