I faked an abortion last night.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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