he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize