How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
