i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
