I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
