This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
