remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
