It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
