doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
