Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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