I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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