1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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