this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
