Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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