I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
