You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
