Will you blow on my dice?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
