The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
