so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
