YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
