You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
