Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
