someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
