Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize