i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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