I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize