And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
