It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
