so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
