i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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