Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
