Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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