you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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