Plan B is the new Plan A
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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